Flashback Friday! Ewwwww.

My 13th anniversary is in a mere 3 days and I have been reminiscing about those tender "newly wed" days/months/years. I'm astonished at how fast the years have gone by, and I'm wishing the next 13 years will come slower. I've also thought of the funny experiences we have had as a couple over these past thirteen years. One such experience comes to mind....

Steve and I had only been married a month or so. We were living in wedded bliss. (sigh) Young love. My honey would wake up in the wee hours of the morning to go to work and he would always give a loving kiss good bye, as I was still slumbering in our marital bed. Steve has almost always sported a mustache and go-t and would often tickle my face when he would lean over to kiss me good bye. This one particular day, I was already awake, but struggling to get out of bed. I am NOT a morning person.

We chit chatted about what our plans were for the day and I asked him what he wanted for dinner that evening. Back in those days, there was not a morning nor evening when we didn't kiss each other good bye or greeted one another with a kiss. We were kissin' fools! It's makes me wonder why we don't do that as much anymore. Is it because we are too busy with kids and such?

Any hooo... Steve leaned over our bed to give me one of those sweet and tender kisses good bye. He approached me and we locked lips, but gently. His warm mustache tickled the top of my lips and I smiled. Soon the warm fuzzies I was just feeling, turned into confusion. Something was "off" with this kiss. I wasn't feeling the leftover tickle feeling that I would often have to rub off. Instead it was a warm, wet feeling.

My first instinct was to lick my lips. But when I did lick them, instead of just moistening my sticky, morning breath lips, I licked up a salty, warm, liquid substance. Steve pulled away from me to head off to work and then I noticed the red substance oozing out of his right nostril.

"Ahhhhhhhhh!" I screamed. "Your nose just bled on my lips and I licked it!!!!! Ewwww!!!!"

Steve immediately threw his head back to prevent the blood to continue to drip out of his nose and he laughed the whole way to the bathroom to get some tissue. "Hahahahahah!!! I'm s-s-sorry!!" he howled.

Once his nose stopped bleeding, he attempted the morning ritual kiss again. Only this time, I gave him my cheek to kiss.

Brad, here, is sporting a bloody nose (it's fake). However, the look on his face is what I looked like after licking up my husband's bloody nose remnants.

And Then He Kissed Me! Part Thirteen

My favorite season of the year was drawing near and my love life was perfect. The trees, with their ochre yellow, orange, and burgundy colored leaves, embellished the skyline and the air was turning crisp. It was the season of warm sweaters, hot chocolate, pumpkins, Halloween, and snuggling with my honey to stay warm.



"Plumber guy" professed his undying love to me over a month ago and there wasn't a conversation, let alone a day, that I didn't hear those beloved words from him, "I love you!" on a constant basis.


Every day seemed to be a dream. I was living the life of an independent, working, young woman. I had my very own apartment, my car was paid for, and I no longer was in search for "the one". I had found him. But "the one" seemed to be taking his time to talk marriage. I was ready. In fact, I was more than ready. What was the hold up? Maybe he needed to get his finances intact or maybe it was the timing.

"Plumber guy" started school again and his schedule was becoming more hectic as he tried to stretch his time between me, work, studying, me, and then me. Did I mention "me"? We lived for the weekends when we could relax and spend countless hours with each other. We would take turns attending one another's wards, for church, every Sunday and many times I was invited to eat Sunday dinner with his family or I would prepare dinner for the two of us. I loved to cook dinner for my man. It was as if, we were a real married couple!

General Conference was coming up, which also meant that it was the season of mission reunions. "Plumber guy" often talked about his experiences of his mission to Korea with such humility and love for the people. He would also impress me with the language, although I had no idea what he was saying. And I still don't. He had studied it and studied it, in order to try to perfect the language, while on his mission.

We had attended a Korean friend's mission farewell, one Sunday, in a Korean branch in SLC. She had asked "plumber guy" to give the opening prayer in Korean, and after sacrament meeting many of the Korean members approached us and said they would have never known that "plumber guy" was an American. I felt such pride to be with this humble and righteous man.

A couple of days before "plumber guy's" mission reunion, he asked me if I'd go with him. "Hey, would you like to go to my mission reunion with me?" he asked.

"Sure. You know, everyone is going to ask if I'm your wife." "Yeah, I know," he replied. This same scenario had been played out time after time over the past few months. In fact, "plumber guy's" boss' six year old daughter would just call me "Steve's wife". Even SHE knew the obvious! And "plumber guy's" response was always the same... a snarky little laugh and smile.

"That's it! That's your answer?" I thought to myself. I played out the different scenarios in my mind over and over again of what would happen at the mission reunion.

"Hey Elder Lewis, how are you? It's nice to see you again. Is this your wife?"

"No. This is my forever girlfriend, Jen. I just plan on stringing her along for month after month until she gives me an ultimatum."

"Is this your wife?" "plumber guy" would ask he fellow companions in return.

"Ya, we just got married a few weeks ago. We got married in the Provo temple. I love my wife! I love being married!"

"Oh congratulations. It's nice to meet you," "plumber guy" would reply and then he would probably change the subject.

Saturday was here and "plumber guy" picked me up to drive to Provo for his mission reunion. He greeted me at my door with a kiss on the lips and a smile. I absolutely loved his smile. His eyes twinkled and reminded me of Santa Clause. I often would tell him he had "Santa Clause" eyes and he would just shake his head side to side and laugh.

"You look great!" he said.

"So do you!"

I wasn't sure what you wear to a mission reunion and decided to wear my Gap khakis and my silk, hunter green blouse. The very same outfit I wore on our first date. "Plumber guy" was wearing jeans and a fresh tee-shirt. I felt a little over dressed, but that was okay. His jeans suited him and me, perfectly fine.

The drive to Provo was quick, as we talked about his old companions and who he had hoped would be attending. As we entered the church building's doors, "plumber guy" immediately recognized some old missionaries from the mission. There was a mixture of Americans and Koreans and some of their children running about. All of the former missionaries, slipped into the Korean lingo and began talking amongst themselves, as us non-Korean speaking wives, husbands, and me (the one and only girlfriend attending), stood beside them smiling and watching the conversations.

As we worked around the room, the former missionaries would look right at me and say something like this in Korean, "Ahn-nyong-ha-se-yo!" Then they would look at "plumber guy" and wait for his response, which sounded like this, "mahn-na-bwep-ge-dwe-o-seo!" Then they would all smile and laugh. "Plumber guy's" face would turn bright red and he would light up. I knew they were talking about me, but I had no idea about what they were talking about.

Through out the night, I watched my future husband in his element, as he talked about memories and experiences he shared with his fellow companions. The conversations always led to the same questions and comments. "Did you know this guy is buff?" they would ask me. "Oh yeah! How could I ever forget," I would think to myself, as my mind would flashback to that glorious picture of him tanned, and flexing his bulging muscles in his swimsuit. Then the conversation would be led to that same daunting question, "So, are you two married?"

The night had ended and we began our journey back home.

"So what did you and your old companions talk about, when you were speaking in Korean?" I asked "plumber guy".

"Oh, you know, missionary stuff."

"Whatever! You guys were totally talking about me! Give it up, muscle boy!" I yelled.

"Okay, okay! They asked about you and asked if we were going to get married," he said with a clever smile.

"I knew it! So what did you tell them?" I asked, while trying to not be so obvious that I was trying to pry out this most important of all important information.

"I just told them I don't know," he said.

My heart sunk. "What the hell!" I thought to myself. (Oh yes I did!) I give up!

I was ticked and like most women, I decided to display my disgrace in the most appropriate manner known.... I gave him the silent treatment. I tried to hold my tears back and turned my head towards the darkness of the night sky. I didn't want him to see my raw emotions begin to shed so I rested my head against the cool, car, window and fell asleep.

We approached my apartment building and I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. I just wanted to curl up on my couch and watch some pointless t.v. show in the dark and alone. I was tired of wondering, if and when "plumber guy" was going to marry me.

"Plumber guy" walked me to my door and asked, "Do you want me to pick you up tomorrow to watch Conference at my house?"

"I think I'll just stay home and watch it here," I sulked. I was mad and I wanted him to know it. And of course, I expected him to read my mind as to what exactly I was mad about.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He could tell something was wrong and he tried to pry it out of me.

"I'm fine!" I said. "I'm just tired!" I snapped. My responses were all lies, but the only thing I could think of was curling up and cry a big, fat, ugly cry.

"Well, okay," he said timidly. "I love you. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Bye," I said as we gave each other quick kisses. "There, take that!" I thought to myself. No long, lingering smooches and no "I love you too"!

I closed the door and plopped down on my couch, turned the t.v. on and watched the rest of an episode of X-Files. Then the phone rang.

Ring, ring.

I knew it was "plumber guy". As much as I would have liked to not answer the phone in my moment of anger, I just couldn't resist. All of the anger in the world couldn't prevent me from not loving him. My heart softened and I answered the phone.

"Hello,"

"Hey, I'm sorry," "plumber guy" pleaded.

"Oh that's okay. I just felt a little out of place and I was grumpy. I'm sorry too," I responded.

All was well again with us and we agreed to watch Conference at his home the following day. We never did really talk, and I mean, REALLY talk, about the root of my hurt feelings. For some odd reason, we each kept on tip toeing around the subject. But with out my knowledge, that night "plumber guy" approached the "marriage" topic head on! Little did I know that the Korean conversations shared between old companions and friends, included me. In fact, when "plumber guy" was asked about me and if we were going to get married, his response was YES! YES, I tell ya! He told everyone in Korean that night, that he was planning on marrying me! And soon.

And Then He Kissed Me! Part 8

Ring, ring.

"Hello, mom?"

"Oh hi. Now what day are you planning on coming up here?" my mom asked.

"On the second," I answered.

"Now, did you remember you have to pick up Cami and bring her home?" she asked.

My mom is a worrier and she tends to worry over the smallest details that I am more than capable of remembering.

"Yeah I remember. We are going to leave after I'm done with work. Probably around 5:00."

"You'll have to be careful, since you'll be driving in the dark," she stated.

"I know. Um..... I'm also bringing a friend home for the fourth," I hesitated to tell her.

"Who?"

"His name is Steve. He's that guy I've been dating for about a month now. Remember I told you about the guy that I went on a couple of dates and they were weird dates?" I said as I tried to jog her memory. "We've been on quite a few more dates."

"Oh yeah I remember. You've been on a few more dates with him? Okay. Well, where will he sleep? What kind of food does he like? Have you told him about us? Does he know that you are also bringing Cami home to her family? What's he like?" my mom asked as she berated me with questions.

"He can just sleep in Angela's room or something. He's a real nice guy. He served a mission in South Korea (I earned some brownie points right there with that little tid bit of info) and he's going to school right now. He's not that tall and usually wears contacts. He just started his own business and he works for someone in his ward. Oh yeah, he works out alot. He use to compete in body building."

"Body building! Do his muscles bulge out of his clothes?"

"Nooooooo! He's not that extreme!"

"Do you think he will be offended if I make dessert for everyone?" My mom does actually worry about details such as this.

"Mom! He'll most likely eat it whatever you make." I replied.

"Lane! (my dad) Lane!" my mom yelled to my dad in the back ground. "Jennifer is bringing a boyfriend home for the fourth."

"A boyfriend? A ho ho ho ho!" he chuckled. "Is he LDS?"

"He is! And he served a mission to South Korea! She's not leaving until after she's done with work so she'll be getting here late. You'll have to stay up for her and her boyfriend when they get here. We need to figure out where he can sleep," my mom said to my dad as she carried on a separate conversation with him. She tends to do this often while you are on the phone with her.

"You know you are not sleeping in the same room with him Jennifer!" my mom said.

"Mom! Yup mom we are going to shack up in Angela's twin bed." I said sarcastically.

"I just had to be sure." she said all knowingly.

"Well I better go. I'll call you right before we leave, okay?"

"Okay. We'll talk to you later. Bye"

"Bye."

The next day I called "plumber guy" and told him that I told my parents that he was coming home with me.

"Is that okay with them?" he asked.

"Yeah they don't mind. My mom wants to swap "healthy" recipes with you and she wants to ask you about different exercises you do."

"Plumber guy" just smiled and said, "sure, no problem."

The big day was just one day away. My nervous anticipation had turned into excitement. I was going to spend a whole weekend with the man of my dreams. I knew my parents would love him. Especially since he served a mission and was LDS. There was a time, a few years back, when they were worried that I wouldn't find someone, that they knew would be perfect for me.

"Plumber guy" was different from any other guy that I had dated. All of my life I knew I wanted to end up with someone just like "plumber guy". I knew I wanted to get married in the temple and I wanted to marry someone who had a strong testimony of the gospel and that served a mission. For a few years I became side tracked and dated the "wrong" kind of guys. I knew that if "plumber guy" and I kept going strong, I would have to tell him about my past. I also knew that this could throw a wrench in our relationship.

The day had come and I rushed home to my new, independent, one bedroom with vaulted ceilings, apartment and quickly packed. I had made a list the night before and had planned all of my outfits for the weekend. This would also be the first time we would be going to church together and I wanted to look especially good. So, I packed my black, form fitting dress. I looked good in that dress and I knew he would like it.

Cami, a girl that I grew up with from my home town, arrived.

"You look good!" she said.

"Oh? Well, thanks," I said.

"No really, you look good!" she exclaimed. "Are you in love?" she asked.

"What?!?!?!?" I was shocked. This was the first time that anyone had approached me about this. It was strange to have someone acknowledge that fact. That, yes, I was in love.

"Um, yeah. I guess I am in love. In fact he's coming home with us." I told her.

After making a quick trip to Albertson's to pick up some necessary munchies for the trip, I went to "plumber guy's" home to pick him up.

He opened the door and my heart jumped into my throat. "He's soooo hot!" I thought to myself. "I can't believe he's coming home with me."

We were off! As I was driving, "plumber guy" put my hand in his and placed it in the center console between our seats. I loved holding his hand! They were hard working hands with callouses and scars. His hands had character.

Five hours had passed and I managed to get lost only once in the Wyoming barren wilderness and "plumber guy" managed to get a nap in, during the long drive. It was midnight when drove into town. It was quiet and dark, yet calm. I drove up ninth street, then turned left on Fremont.

"There's my house." I told "plumber guy". "The one on the top of the hill."

I drove up the gravel hill and parked. The sky was dark and filled with a million stars. A slight breeze was blowing and the crickets were chirping. "Plumber guy" leaned against my car and pulled me towards him. He kissed me softly. (Sigh)

"Well, are you ready for this?" I asked him.

"Oh yeah, it'll be fun," he said.

We grabbed our bags and walked up the back stairs. I opened the door and there was my dad waiting at the kitchen table for us, while he watched t.v..

"Hi dad. This is Steve."

"Well hello there Steve. It's nice to have you come visit," he said as he shook Steve's hand.

My dad then showed us our rooms. Steve was to sleep on the sleeper sofa downstairs and I was suppose to sleep in Angela's room. I showed him the bed, kissed him good night, and collapsed onto my sister's bed.

My dad opened my bedroom door and said, "goodnight. Steve seems like a real nice guy."

"Yeah, he is. Goodnight."

My dad then went to bed and woke my mom up. "He's the one!" he told my mom.

"What?" she said sleepily.

"He's the one! I know it!"

My dad then went to bed with a smile on his face.

Stay tuned for part 9 and the upcoming drama. Happy 4th of July!

An Amendment To Part 5

Okay, so today I was at my cute sister-in-law Kate's house and we were talking about different blogs that we stalk. (Oh quit! You know you do it too.) So anyway, it then hit me. I completely forgot to let you, all of my lovely readers, in on another tid bit, of the utmost importance, information about the "plumber guy's" and mine love story.


It happened the same night that the "kiss to die for" happened. As you can remember, "plumber guy" and I were sitting on the couch holding hands. We were talking about the different sports and activities that we participated in when we were younger. I told him that I use to be in gymnastics and that I wasn't as limber as I use to be.


"I use to be able to do the Chinese splits," I told him. "But I can no longer do them."


Then "plumber guy" said, "I can do the Chinese splits."


"Nu-uh! Now way! I don't believe you!" This I had to see.

Then all of the sudden, "plumber guy" plopped down in front of me and spread his manly legs, one to the VERY far left and the other to the VERY far right!

My mouth dropped. I was speechless. It was at that very moment that the thought came to me, "I must marry this man. Oh yes, he must be the father of my children."

Oh yeah ladies... that one was for you. Gentlemen, you can now stop grimacing with the thought of the pain that "plumber guy" had to have experienced.

Still, to this day, I ask him to perform this limber "act" for me on occasion. He's not as quick as he use to be, but it's worth it!

And Then He Kissed Me! Part 5

The handsome "plumber guy" and I had been on two dates, and had yet to have our first kiss. A couple of days after our second date, "plumber guy" called and came to my apartment, just to spend time with me. One would have thought the elusive first kiss would have happened that night. The setting was ripe for the picken, but "plumber guy" was a gentlemen.


It was Friday night date night and I was going out with the gorgeous "plumber" again! He was taking me to a movie and it was a warm evening. So jean shorts, cute sandals, and a cute top were in order.


Knock, knock


"Hi!"


"Hey, you look good!"


"He said I looked good!" I thought to myself, with excitement.


"So what movie are we going to see?"


"Braveheart. I heard it's really good," he claimed. ("plumber guy" had already secretly seen it)


We arrived to the theater and took our seats. Without hesitation "plumber guy" took my hand in his and held it. Be still my heart! I could hardly contain myself.


I was enjoying the movie when all of the sudden "plumber guy" said," Oh, we've got to step out for a little bit. I forgot about this part." He took my hand and led me out of the theater. "I saw this already with my brother, and there's a nudity scene that I forgot about."


How gentlemen like. After that certain scene was over we went back in to watch the rest of the movie. We sat there hand in hand with our heads tilted towards each other. It was bliss.


We continued watching the movie and then another one of "those" scenes came on the screen. Mel Gibson and an army of men lifted their kilts in unison! Revealing that Scottish men really do not wear anything under their kilts.


"Oh my word!" I teased "plumber guy". "What kind of movie have you brought me to? I can't believe you brought me to a movie that showed an army of wenises (that's what I call them) flapping in the wind!"


"Plumber guy" was speechless. I could tell his face was bright red with embarrassment.


"I, I, I'm soooo sorry. I totally forgot about that part."


"I'm just kidding! It's no big deal, well some of it was a BIG deal," I teased.


He began to laugh. I was feeling comfortable enough to actually be myself and I think he liked that I took what could've been a very uncomfortable situation and made it into a funny experience. (kind of like my experience with Herbert the pervert) I always considered the first date as a trial date. Your nervous, anxious, and trying to impress your date to your best abilities. Does anyone act like their normal selves on the first date? The date was turning out to be fun. We were enjoying being with each other.


Once we came back to my apartment, I invited "plumber guy" in for a while. We talked a little longer and held hands. Sigh. It was getting late and "plumber guy" had to go home. We stood at the door way for a while then he put his arms around me and gave me a hug. We slowly began to separate, but with our arms still around each other. "It's going to happen," I thought. "He's going to kiss me!" I then turned my face towards his. Our cheeks brushed together, sending chills down my spine.
And then it happened.... I kissed him! He did not kiss me.... I kissed him. The kiss was not returned!


He then smiled at me and said, "I had a good time. It was alot of fun. I'll call you tomorrow, okay."


"Thank you. It was fun. Talk to you tomorrow."

"Did what I just thought happened...happened?" I thought. I kissed him! He did not kiss me! Why didn't he kiss me? Why didn't he kiss me back? Did I do something wrong? I can't believe I kissed him. I'm a kissing ho.


It was later found out that when "plumber guy" got home, he was telling his younger sister about our date and he asked her what it meant when I kissed him. She then asked, "did you kiss her back?"


"No."


"Are you nuts?!?!" she said. (yes, he was) "Why didn't you kiss her back?"


"I d'know? It just happened so quickly."


Just after "plumber guy" left my apartment, the phone rang.


ring, ring


"Hello"


"Jen! So did he kiss you?" It was my neighbor from across the street.


I told her what had happened and she began to laugh. "You kissed him! Hahahahahaha!"


"I know, I'm a dork," I said.


The next day "plumber guy" was true to his word and called me. In fact he called me everyday! Friday night date night couldn't have come fast enough. I would get to hold his hand. I would get to stare into those dreamy blue eyes, look upon that hot hiney. And he would hold me with his strong, body building arms.


For our fourth date we drove to the big city again. This time he took me to Temple Square. To tell you the truth... this did make me a little nervous. Was he going to propose marriage, already? I hope he's not thinking this seriously so soon in our relationship. We hadn't even had our first kiss.


We walked around hand in hand, taking in the beauty of the Temple and the grounds. We then went to the Joseph Smith Building and watched the film there.


After the film was done, we headed back to my apartment. My roommate, her fiance, and the couple across the street were there. Steve and I sat on the couch hand in hand. We were talking and laughing with everyone. I felt like we were a real couple. I was falling in love.


My roommate and my friends then left. "Plumber guy" and I were talking about our plans for the 4th of July. I was telling him about all of the fun things I was going to do back home, in Wyoming.


"First I will be going to our town's little parade, and then my family usually goes to South Pass City. It's an old gold rush town and you can tour all of the buildings. They have cow chip (poop) throwing contests, arm wrestling contests, and a big barbecue out there. Then we'll probably go visit the Willie and Martin Handcart sites. Then later on that night my dad's friend, who's a orthodontist, invites anyone who wants to come, to a barbecue and about 150 people sit on a hill side in his cow pasture and we watch a musically, choreographed fireworks show! It's amazing! He has his pyrotechnic's licence, and the fireworks are huge!"


"Plumber guy" looked at me in amazement. "Wow!" he said. He was most likely saying 'wow' because I told him all about the 4th of July festivities in one breath.


"So what are your plans?" I asked him.


"Oh, I'll probably just go see the fireworks in town with my family."


I then felt bad that I had bragged about everything I was going to do. His plans sounded, well, kinda boring. I felt bad about the fun and excitement that I had planned for the 4th of July. And then I opened my mouth...


"You should come with me!"


The minute the words came out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back. "What are you doing? There you go again, Jennifer! Acting before thinking of your actions!" I thought to myself. It was too soon to ask "plumber guy" to come home with me, meet the whole fam damily, and spend the night at my home! I was worried. What are you thinking? He won't say yes. It's too soon.


Then without hesitation he said, "okay!"


What! Did he just say yes? What do I do now? This could be a bad thing.


"I know! I just won't bring it up again, and maybe he'll just forget about it," I thought. (That plan didn't work)


"Plumber guy" then interrupted my thoughts.


"Give me your hand." He's so demanding.... I liked that.


I gave him my hand and he wrote something in pen on my palm. I held it up and it read, "What would you do if I kissed you?" Tee hee hee hee. I smiled from ear to ear, took his hand and wrote, "I would kiss you back."


It was going to happen! It was going to happen tonight! Then my my mind started to race. I hope I'm a good kisser. I hope I don't drool too much. Do I tilt my head to the right or to the left? These are the kind of stupid thoughts that go through my head daily.

It was time for him to go and I walked him to the door. The room was dark, lit only by the full moon peering through the window. (a little sappy, I know) He held both of my hands and then leaned in. He tilted he his head to the right and I followed suit and tilted my head to the right also. Then he softly kissed my lips. Fireworks!

It was a perfect kiss. It was the last of my first kisses.

And Then He Kissed Me! Part 4

Saturday came and went, and still no call. Every time the phone rang my heart would jump. No such luck. I was crushed.


Sunday came and I went to church by myself that day. My roommate had to work so I had to brave the 'singles ward' alone. And I do mean BRAVE. The 'singles ward' was a meat market. It was a shock to my system, just moving from Wyoming. I didn't really know anyone in the ward yet, so I sat by myself in one of the smaller pews. The organist was softly playing the prelude music and this pudgy red headed guy sat next to me.


"So are you new in this ward?"


"Um, sorta. I've been going to this ward for about a month now."


"What's your name?"


"Jennifer."


"Nice to meet you Jennifer." He flashed me a slimy smile. "I'm Herbert." (that wasn't really his name. I just chose to forget his name)


By this time the Bishop started to conduct Sac. meeting. "Our opening hymn will be on page so and so."


I went to grab my OWN hymn book, but "Herbert" was quick to offer his to share. He scooted in close to me then put his free arm around me! Ahhhhhhhhh! Where was "plumber guy" when I needed him? Why didn't he call me? "Plumber guy" would have never been this rude! But then if "plumber guy" did do this, I probably would've scooted in closer to him. "Plumber guy" was delightful, "Herbert" was icky.


This Sunday was Fast and Testimony meeting, so after the Bishop shared his testimony with the ward he turned the time over to the flock of singles. My thoughts of "plumber guy" were then interrupted.


"Are you going to bare your testimony?"


"What?"


"Are you going to bare your testimony? You know, you should."


"Um, I don't know." There is nothing more that I hate than having someone pressure me into situations.


"Herbert" then took my hand (oh yes... he did). "There are certain parts to a testimony, ya know." He touched my thumb and said, "first, you must acknowledge your blessings....blah, blah, blah." He continued to do this with EVERY finger. I could feel my fingers begin to shrivel up and die. It took everything in me to not slap him. Ahhhhhhhhhh! All of the sudden "Herbert" put his hand on my CHEST! In the middle of Sacrament Meeting! In the Lord's house!


"You have to FEEL your testimony HERE," he said, as he molested me.


"Herbert" the pervert then walked up to the podium to bare his testimony. I needed "plumber guy" more than ever now. If "plumber guy" was here, he would've have decked "Herbert" the pervert right in his pasty, white, freckled, nose. POW!


Herbert the pervert then started to bare his testimony.


"Brothers and Sisters I have just met the most wonderful young women named Jennifer. And if I'm not mistaken, the spirit has told me that she could be the one."


Everyone in the chapel turned around to see who he had claimed was "the one". All eyes were on me. "Oh please do not let anyone think that I'm with this perv!" I thought. "I'm suppose to be with the man of dreams.... my plumber."


When sac. meeting was over, "Herbert" the pervert asked for my phone number. I gave him a fake number and NEVER stepped foot in that ward AGAIN! I couldn't face going to Sunday School or RS, so I quickly ran to the church doors, with cheetah like speed. The Bishop ran after me to the parking lot and profusely apologized for "Herbert" the pervert's actions. (Oh yes, the Bishop saw EVERYTHING) He then told me, "Herbert can be a little too forceful (just a little), and I just want to warn you to stay away from him." The Bishop had to warn me about "Herbert" the pervert. He then told me that he was going to have a "talk" with him.


I quickly drove home and slipped into a comfortable pair of boxers, that I subbed for shorts, and an over sized tee. I slipped in a good movie to put mind at ease. This day had been a rough one. Between being molested in sac. meeting and obsessing whether or not the man of my dreams was going to call, I was exhausted.


Darkness rolled in and all of the sudden the phone rang. I didn't want to get my hopes up. Usually if the phone rang on Sunday it was one of either mine or my roommate's moms. My roommate answered the phone. "Jen, it's for you! It's him!" We then jumped up and down in unison together. He called! He called! He called! I quickly regained my composure.

"Hello."

"Hi, how are you?"

"I'm doing good. I had an awful experience at church though. I'll have to tell you all about it." (clever girl. way to draw him in)

"Well actually, I was wondering if I could come over. I need to talk to you."

"Yeah, come on over."

He sounded so serious. Was he going to tell me that he couldn't see me... that he was in love with someone else? Maybe he knew I was "the one" and why waste time and propose right now. I rushed to the bathroom and quickly applied a new layer of make up and re-styled my hair.

Knock, knock.

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Hey do you want to go on a walk?"

"Sure." I quickly gathered a sweatshirt and we were off.

"So what do you need to talk to me about?"

"Oh, I just wanted to see you."

YAY! He just wanted to see me! That's a good sign! We walked around the neighborhood and carried on with delightful conversation. We were becoming more and more comfortable with each other. He walked me back to my apartment and this time I didn't sprint to my apartment door. We sat on the steps and talked some more and he asked me out for next Friday. He couldn't stay long, because he had to go to work early in the morning. That was okay, though. I got my dose of "plumber guy". He then hugged me and we said our good byes, and see ya laters. Still no kiss. But he gave me plenty to dream about that night.


Things were moving along beautifully with "plumber guy". But, alas, still no kiss. When would it happen? Would it ever happen? Did Jennifer ever recover from being violated from "Herbert" the pervert? We shall see.

And Then He Kissed Me! Part 3

"So do you think he's going to call you and cancel your next date?" my roommate asked.

"Probably." "He was nice, and he's hot, but I'm pretty sure I scared him off when I sprinted for the door after our date."

Then two days before the second date the phone rang.

Ring, ring

"Hello"

"Hello, hey how are you?" the manly voice on the other end of the phone asked?

It was "plumber guy"!

I tried to keep my cool and act like I wasn't obsessing whether he was going to call me or not.

"I'm good. How are you?" I replied.

"Good, good. I'm calling to let you know that I will pick you up around 7:00 on Friday. Is that okay?"

"Sounds good. I'll see ya then."

"Okay, well I'll see you. Bye."

"Bye."

I couldn't contain myself. He called! He called! He called! And he didn't cancel! Ooooooo, what should I wear?

Friday was finally here and after much thought and careful planning, I decided to go a little more casual and wore my cutest pair of jeans (the ones that made my butt look good, but not too large), a white tee with my new casual blazer and my brown boots. I primped for 2 hours, again, and made sure that every hair was in place. I looked good.

Knock, knock

"Hi!"

"Hi!"

There he was. That body had to be chiseled out of granite. And the jeans.... those lovely jeans. My heart fluttered with excitement. "Plumber guy" was the first guy that set my heart a-flutter like this. He was strong, quiet, and could be very intense at times. He was also one of the most humble people that I had ever met.

He walked me to his car and opened the car door for me. When he opened the car door for me, he said something in Korean to me. Tee hee hee hee. I giggled like a 12 year old school girl. I was a tard.

"So where is this institute party?" I asked.

"It's at the drive-in. They are having a barbecue then we are watching some movie with Drew Barrymore."

"Sounds good."

We got to the drive-in and joined everyone else in the party. "Plumber guy" shook the hand of one of the other guys and introduced me to him. Turns out "plumber guy" use to date his sister in high school. We talked a little to him and decided to walk around the drive-in parking lot while we were waiting for the food to cook. We talked about what happened with work that week and he asked about my home town in Wyoming. He talked about what he was studying at school and what his plans were for the future. It was nice to have a stroll around the parking lot and chit chat with him. Both of us were a little more relaxed and we managed to laugh a little more. I found that with every word he would say I was being sucked in more and more. I was starting to get attached.

When we got back to the party, we gathered our food and began to eat.

"Let's go eat in my car."

"Okay."

I wasn't going to argue. "Plumber guy" + Me + Drive-in + warm car = perfect kissing situation.

The movie started to show and then quickly became uncomfortable, due to a certain scene in the movie. "Plumber guy" started to squirm a little and I could feel my cheeks start to burn and turn red with embarrassment.

"Never mind about the perfect kissing situation," I thought.

"Are you in to this movie?" he asked.

"Not really."

"Do you want to leave?"

"Yeah."

"Oh thank heavens," I thought. I was relieved to dodge that embarrassing bullet.

We drove around for a while and he showed me his old stomping grounds. He told me that he was a wrestler in high school and that he also played rugby. He also competed as a weight lifter! I KNEW he worked out! I wondered what he looked like in a speedo, as he struck the choreographed, muscle pumping, poses. Did he shave all of his body hair off? Did he use self tanner or did he tan in a tanning bed? He was a scrappy fella!

I was falling for him and I was falling for him hard. My mind would start to wonder and I would daydream about our temple wedding and how many kids we were going to have. 3 kids, 4 at the most. We will have to see. I would imagine me making his dinner every night and him greeting me with a kiss when he would come home from work. We were the Cleaver's. He was not like any other guy that I had dated before. He was better.

It was getting late and we decided to take me home. This date seemed to go a little better than first one. We talked a little more, we laughed a little, and we got to know one another a little more. As we got closer to my apartment, I started to worry about the door scene, again. I didn't want to make the same mistake that I made last week. I kept telling myself to take it easy... to just relax.

He parked his car and opened my car door. And like a bolt of lightening (Wapow!), I ran up the stairs and quickly unlocked my apartment door. I was such a tard. I did it again! "Plumber guy" must think I am repulsed by him. What's wrong with me?"

This time "plumber guy" was quick on his feet and followed me all the way up the stairs, as I bolted to my apartment door.

I was shaking with nervousness. Was he going to kiss me? Will the kiss just be a quick smooch on the lips? Will the kiss be a lingering one? Or will the kiss begin as a lingering kiss then lead into a French kiss? Maybe he will just go for the gold and jump right in to a French kiss. (He did just serve a mission ya know).

"Thanks for coming to the barbecue with me," he said.

"Thanks for asking me. I had a good time."

"Well, I'll see ya later."

"See ya later. Bye"

"Bye."

No kiss! Not even a hug? Not even a hand shake? "Ohhhhhh!!!! It's official.... he doesn't like me. He thinks I'm a dork," I thought to myself.

I slipped into my apartment and my roommate was waiting for me.

"So did he kiss you?"

"No! I blew it. I don't think he's going to call me again. I hope he calls me. Maybe he'll call me. Oh, I don't think he's going to call me. I really want him to call me again."

Jennifer still didn't receive her much anticipated first kiss with "plumber guy". Would he ever call her again? If so, how long would he wait to call her?

And Then He Kissed Me! Part two

Exactly 13 years ago, from today, the "plumber guy" and I went on our first date. At this time I did not know that my landlord, his wife, and the "plumber guy" had concocted a clever little plan to create this event. They had succeeded at their plan, and now it was up to the "plumber guy" to work his magic.

The whole day was filled with nervous, excitement. While I was working hard as a technical support technician, thingy, person, for an internet service, a message appeared on the computer monitor.

"If you would like to clock out early, please notify a manager by sending an e-mail."


"Perfect!" I thought. "I can leave work early and have more time to get ready for my date."

Then another message appeared on my monitor.

" Jennifer, please come to the manager's desk."

I gathered my things and went to the manager's desk. I recognized this manager, but I never talked to him before.

Then he told me, "I'm Steve's friend. The guy that you are going on a date with tonight. My father-in-law is your landlord. I just wanted to meet you and tell you that Steve's a real nice guy."

"Oh, well it's nice to meet you. See ya later." (What's with everyone trying to sell this guy to me?)

I'm pretty sure he was checking me out to see if I was suitable for "plumber guy".

I got home and tried to pick the perfect outfit for this first date. The "plumber" never told me what we were going to do on our first date, so the options of appropriate apparel were endless.

• Dress or skirt? Hmmmm.... maybe we are going to see an opera? Doubtful.
• Cutest jeans that made my rear look noticeable, yet, not too large and a simple tee? Hmmmm... maybe we were going to go to a rodeo and I should don a pair of cowboy boots? Very doubtful.
• Shorts. My cute pair of jean shorts that showed off some leg. Better not, he's a M.I.G. (man in g's) and not ready for that kind of action.
• Sweats. Maybe we were going to go to the gym and work out? With that body, he definitely works out. NO WAY! I refuse to sweat in front of him.

I had nothing to wear. Shopping! I hurried and ran to the mall and searched for the perfect outfit, suitable to be burned into the brain of the "plumber guy". An outfit that would take his breath away, and stop him dead in his tracks. He would forever remember this outfit. This would be the one that he would reminisce about to our grandchildren! The one that would be burned into his brain.... FOREVER! Okay, that's going a little to far. I ended up buying a pair of khakis from the Gap. Straight legged, no pleats (I didn't want to look like I worked in Circuit City). And then I found a dark green silk blouse from ZCMI. Not too dressy, yet casual. Perfect.

Since I was unaware if we were going to eat, I decided to eat dinner. Heck, I was hungry and for all I knew, we were just going to probably go to a movie. So I had a small dinner, brushed my teeth, and primped for 2 hours all in the attempt to look like I had just thrown myself together with in minutes. No girl wanted to give the impression that her beauty came way of hours of maintenance.... layers of hairspray, careful application of eyeliner, thick coat of mascara, and several different attempts of the right lip wear. I waited anxiously.

Knock, knock.

My heart jumped into throat and I had to catch my breath.

I opened the door and was overcome by this fine specimen standing in front of me. This time I took every detail in. I could eat him up! He was wearing a white polo shirt and jeans. He looks sooooo good in jeans. His jeans sucked me in from day one. He was a vision. He was freshly showered and smelled lovely. "Look at those tanned arms," I thought. "So rugged, so man-esque." They had left a mark on my mind, as did his hiny. My heart fluttered and I smiled.

"Are you ready?"

"Yup!"

He opened the car door for me and we were off to the "big" city. Well, SLC. The traffic was slow and go and the conversation was minimal. Between the small spurts of chit chat, there was silence. The "plumber guy" was not much of a talker. I tried everything to strike up a conversation. I even resorted to asking useless questions.

"Soooooo, what's your favorite color?"

"Uh, black."

"Soooooo, how many brothers and sisters do you have?"

"3 sisters and 2 brothers."

"Hey, there are three boys and three girls in my family, also!"

"Oh."

"Soooooo, how old are your brothers and sisters?"

This date was starting off with a splash, let me tell ya! So the conversation went on like this for a while longer, until we reached our destination. We were going to have dinner at some Italian restaurant. Oh great, dinner.... again. We entered the restaurant, and were taken to our seats. We were surrounded by a sea of noisy, formal wearing highschoolers. Who has a formal dance this late in the school year? I ended up ordering manicotti and ate maybe three bites. I fessed up and told him I already had dinner and that I wasn't that hungry. In reality, I could've eaten the whole thing, but then I didn't want to look like a pig.

On the way home the conversation began to flow a little more easily. He told me about his mission to Korea and told me about the food, the people, and his experiences of teaching the Gospel. Once in a while he would flash a Korean word and phrase here and there to impress me. It worked. What is it that makes a woman giggle like a little school girl, when she hears a handsome young man speak another language? (sigh)

We then stopped at a park. I told the "plumber guy" that I needed to stop at the bathroom, placed in the middle of the park. There was no door to the bathroom! And I noticed "plumber guy" decided to wait right outside. "What if he heard me?" I thought. The lights were burned out, so I was in total darkness. I carefully placed a protective barrier of tp around the seat of the toilet and tried not to touch ANYTHING. Public bathrooms are always questionable, especially in the dark. I tried to control the "noise level" to my best ability. I mean, how do you control the noise level of peeing? Once I was done, I placed my purse on the counter near the sink. One of the sinks was clogged and had flooded. My purse was now soaked. I washed my hands and got the heck out of dodge!

We then walked slowly on a path that followed a meandering stream. We fed the swans and ducks and talked about our families, school, work, and life experiences.

"Plumber guy" then had a plan to stop at Baskin Robins to have an ice cream cone. But I said I really wasn't hungry. He didn't believe me and kept pressing me to have an ice cream cone.

"No, really I'm not hungry."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

Then for some odd reason he decided to stop at a grocery store. "Okay, maybe he needed a gallon of milk," I thought. So we walked up and down the aisles.

"Are you sure you are not hungry?" he would ask.

"Ummmm, YES!"

I later found out that he was just killing time. Don't ask. He's a dork. We then left the grocery store. (No milk on hand) We got in his car and he pulled up to a white sports car in the large parking lot, near a pizza joint. There were two guys standing there. The one guy looked 40, to me, and was wearing a chain. Now he did look like a Guido or Vinnie. The other freckle faced "kid" (the passenger) looked 12. "What the heck was this 40 year old doing with this kid?" I thought. "Why are we here?"

"Uh, Jennifer this is my friend Dave and my little brother Larry."

"Hi."

Turns out my date had another date that night. He was suppose to meet them at a certain time after our date, to hang out with them. Our date ran a little longer than expected. Two timer.

Well our date was coming to an end and it was time for me to go home. And he was pressed for time with his second date. As we were coming closer to my apartment, my mind started to race.

"What if he tries to kiss me?" "Should I let him kiss me?" "Do I unlock my apartment door then wait for the kiss?" "Or do I just wait for it?"

When we reached my apartment we walked up the side walk leading up to the stairs. I was nervous. And when I'm nervous, I do stupid things and say stupid things. I then bounded up the stairs, leaving "plumber guy" in a cloud of dust behind me and then unlocked the door.

"I had a great time. Thanks for everything."

"Uh, okay. I'll see you next Friday."

"Okay. See ya then."

"Plumber guy" was still at the bottom of the stairs with a confused look on his face.

"Jennifer! What the crap were you thinkin?"

I did the enjoy the date. I didn't mean to blow it big time at the end of the date. I just knew that he was going to call me and come up with an excuse to get out of the next date. I couldn't even imagine what he thought about me. Oh well, no kiss tonight.

Sadly Jennifer did not get her first kiss this night. Would "plumber guy" go on the second date with her? Or would he call her and cancel with a lame-o excuse? Tune in tomorrow for part 3.

And Then He Kissed Me! Part 1

The date was May 24th, 1995. This is the day that I met Steve... the hubbin of lovin, the stud muffin, the father of my children, my dork. This is a re-cap of how our story began, and the events that led up to "the first kiss".

One day I went to my landlord's house to drop off my rent and he asked me to come in and chat with him and his wife. They asked how I was doing and asked if I was dating anyone. What kind of landlord asks about your love life?

"Sheesh! I wish." I said.

I had been on a few dates since I had moved to Utah and so far, I was NOT impressed! My landlord then told me I needed to find someone to date!

I told him, "hey, I'm game, if you can find someone for me!"

A week later the landlord and his wife came over to our apartment to visit. They asked if there were any problems with the apartment and I told him about the leaky faucet in the bathroom. He told me and my roommate he knew someone that could fix it and he would contact him.

"Yeah right," I thought.

Then he asked me if I could show the apartment next to us to people that were looking to rent. What the heck, I had nothing else to do. The very next night the phone rang.

Ring, Ring. I answered, "Hello".

"Is Jennifer Parry there?"

"This is her."

"Uh, yes Jennifer, Ron (landlord) told me that you have a leaky faucet and I was wondering if I could come over tomorrow to replace it?"

"Sure, what time?"

"How about 11:00."

"Okay, that'll work. See you then. Bye."

"Bye."

11:30 the next day, and the "plumber" is late. Knock, knock. I opened the door and there stood this guy in white t-shirt with some sort of logo/picture/wording on the front and jeans. The first thing I noticed about him was the chain around his neck and his freckles. Only guys named Vinnie and Guido with tons of chest hair wear chains, I thought. The chain looked out of place. Because of the "plumber's" tardiness, I just assumed this guy was someone wanting to check out the apartment next to us.

Before he could even say one word, I blurted out, "oh you must be here to check out the apartment." I handed him the key and told him to return it when he was done.

"Uh, no... I'm here to fix your faucet. I'm sorry I'm late."

"Oh I'm sorry. Come on in."

I then showed him where the bathroom was and told him what was going on with the faucet. As I followed him towards the bathroom, I checked out the goods. What? Like you wouldn't? Nice butt! He must work out, I thought.

He looked all serious and turned the faucet on and off to diagnose it. Then he proceeded to lay out his tools and the new faucet.

"Okay, well I'll just be in the living room if you need anything," I said.

Weird, awkward silence followed.

Do I go in there and talk to him?

Where would I sit? On the toilet? No, that's weird!

I'll just sit here and watch t.v..

About a half hour passed. Not a word was uttered between the two of us. He came out and said the faucet was fixed and to call Ron if there were any problems and he told me to not use it for a few hours.

"Thanks," I said.

A few hours later my landlord and his wife stop by to see how good of a job the "plumber" did. They asked what I thought about the "plumber".

I told them he was late, but he had a nice butt and the new faucet is working great. Then my landlord's wife starts telling me about the "plumber."

"Oh Jennifer, he's such a nice guy. He's been home from his mission since August. He's good friend's with our son-in-law and went to school with our daughter and her husband. He's going to school and he just bought a new set of pots and pans!"

(Huh? Okay.... What kind of single guy buys pots and pans?)

"You should go out with him!"

Okay, whatever. So anyhoo, with out my knowledge this whole thing was a SETUP! You heard me right. The "plumber", the fixing of the faucet, the landlord and his wife coming over to see what I thought about the "plumber", was a SETUP! They immediately went home to tell the so-called "plumber" what I said and what I thought about him. Oh yes, he was at their home waiting to hear the report. The first thing they tell him was that I said he had a nice butt! And here's another little tid bit of info... the "plumber" had NEVER, EVER fixed a faucet in his whole entire life!

Later on that night the phone rings.

Ring, Ring. "Hello, is Jennifer there?"

"This is her."

"This is Steve, the guy that fixed the faucet today. I need to come over tomorrow to see if the faucet is working right."

"Okay. I'll see you then." "Bye."

"Bye."

Sounds fishy huh?

The next day, in the evening, Steve the so-called "plumber" stopped by. My roommate was there and the couple across the street were there. Steve went to the bathroom and checked out the faucet while I sat in a chair talking to my friends. When he was done, he came out and then kneeled down by my chair.

"Is this guy going to propose?" I thought.

"There's this institute party in a couple of weeks and I was wondering if you would like to go with me? But I would like to get to know you a little better before then and I was wondering if you would like to go out this Friday?"

"Sure!" I said.

"Okay, how about 6:00?"

"Sounds good. I'll see ya then. Bye."

"Bye."

Was this guy crazy? Did he just ask me out for two dates? Maybe he knows a good thing when he sees it. Maybe he's nuts.

Did Jennifer end up going on two dates with the so-called plumber? Did the bathroom faucet hold up? If they did go on a date, did they kiss on the first date? Or did they kiss on the second date? Check out my blog tomorrow to find out the gory details!