Thursday, March 18, 2010

Jennifer's Ten Commandments

Like many Bible reading folks, I believe the Ten Commandments were given to us mortals, to give us instruction on, not only how we should live our lives, but to give it "structure". By obeying these laws, we will live happy and peaceful lives.

Come to think about it...these "laws" or commandments are quite simple and straight forward. Thou shalt not covet. Thou shalt not kill. Honor thy father and thy mother (my personal favorite). And how about, thou shalt not steal. Simple and to the point.

The Ten Commandments are divine. The Ten Commandments were written in stone from our Heavenly Father's own finger. Now that is powerful!

But I have to admit,I wouldn't mind adding a few of my own commandments. Well, maybe not add them to the originals. The originals are perfect in their own form. How about making my own set of commandments. For my own selfish reasons.

Jennifer's Ten Commandments. Yeah, that's the ticket!

By following my commandments, your lives will possibly be less chaotic. There will be a considerable amount of less damage to your corneas. Enriched, if you will! Okay, maybe none of those things. But these are my commandments and I know they can benefit me.

Commandment Number One

Thou shalt not leave thy husband unsupervised, while he is operating the stove.


My man. He is a genius.

Commandment Number Two
Thou shalt never cut-eth or style-eth thy hair in the mullet fashion.
Advice to live by, people. Advice to live by.

Commandment Number Three

Thou shalt not wear ill fitting clothing.
I'm just looking out for my fellow humans beings.
For the love!

My eyes! My eyes!
(Lord of the dance)

Commandment Number Four

Thou shall repent for the above, and previous, numerous images. And for those to come.
I hold my head down in shame.

Commandment Number Five
Husband shall obey thy wife.
Enough said.
Commandment Number Six
Thou shalt not leave 2 year old unattended or alone for more than 3 minutes.
Only chaos can follow with that kind of freedom for this clever 2 year old.

I believe the total hours/minutes/seconds that I have spent cleaning Homeboy's messes since the date of July 12th 2008 equals - 328 hours, 11 minutes, and 26 seconds. I'm estimating, of course.

I'm so relieved to know that I am not alone in my pain.

Commandment Number 7

Thou shalt not attend any Walmart establishment during the wee hours of the night.

Ugly happens.

(picture courtesy of the website - Walmart People)

Is that a pitcher of lemonade on Dorothy's back? Or a kitty sitting in a coffee cup? If so... who could not resist such images being permanently embedded into your upper-right quadrant of your back? Surely, not I.

(picture courtesy of the website - Walmart People. It's a smorgasbord of ugly.)

Commandment Number 8

Thy mother shall force hugs and kisses on unsuspecting pre-teenager, whenever I feel like it.

It's good for him. So that he doesn't grow to be a menace to society.

He's too cool for his mommy now.

Commandment Number 9

Keep thy house clean and tidy.

Otherwise, it's just nasty.

Commandment Number 10

Thou shalt no longer cuss-eth out fellow Utah drivers...hence thy toddler now repeateths my words-eth and possibly while attending church-eth.

Now I must set these in stone and place them on our family room wall!


  1. Where do you come up with this stuff? I love it! I think I need to post these in my house too!

  2. What in the heck is that green stuff all over your stove? I need to know. Answer or else. Kthanks.

    Also, that last tub picture makes me feel dirty and gross and makes me want to clean my tub even though I just cleaned it on saturday.

  3. Awesome! Send me a set of those when you get done engraving it in stone ;)

  4. LOVE this! I was trying to figure out what happened to your stove and what that could possibly be...until you showed the leftovers of your lovely green flower plate. Sad!

    You should definitely hang this on your wall.

  5. Holly,

    Kim got it right. The melted green stuff use to be a cute, springy, flower plate. The hubs has yet to learn what knob to turn when operating the stove. I adored that plate! It was my favorite plate! Not too big, not too small. My grandmother gave me that plate. Okay, I lied. I bought them at a dollar store years ago, because I thought they were cute.

  6. Yeah you better stop the swearing in the car. I had no idea Jaimen was actually listening until one day while driving he starts cussing up a storm, yelling at the other drivers :)
    I love your commandments!

  7. Amen! I shall now print these and hang them on my wall next to my 'Proclamation to the Family'. These should be set in stone!

  8. well, Jen--up to a few months ago, I had been laughing & enjoying all of your "fun" experciences you have with Connor.

    Now I am experiencing all of those exact moments with my 16 month old.

    He is my busiest child & has decided it is only fun to play with things that he is NOT allowed to play with. And....he is a climber....and a smearer of lotions, powder, etc.

    And....he loves to do his victory dance in the middle of the cereal/crackers he just dumped out :D

    Thanks for sharing

  9. I'm with you on your 2nd edition of the ten commandments.I laughed so hard when I saw the pics of the Wal Mart shoppers. What is it about Wal Mart that seems to draw in the circus people?I think special people like that make my day have true self confidence to walk into public dressed like that...two..They make me laugh..really hard..three..they make me realize that I am far as normal goes..So when you have carved your ten commandments that will make it all official and everyone in your household will have to OBEY them...LOL!!!Thank for your wicked sense of humor..You made me laugh hard today!!!


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