Thursday, December 11, 2008

Flashback Friday! Slip, slippin' away...

It's been a long time since I've posted a "Flashback Friday" post, and I just could not deprive my loyal readers (all 5 of them) of another Friday without a Flashback. And since you, my friends, have stuck with me through every Flashback and hideous photo that I have posted, I have decided to share a real juicy tale from the past. Oh yes. To this day, I blush of the mere thought of this little incident. And may I just take a moment to give warning, a heads up if you will...the following content will probably disgust the male species and will make my mom cower with shame. I don't believe I have too many male species that read my blog, but I have been stopped in church a time and two by some of the husbands of my readers. "Hey, I've read your blog! It's funny!" they say. Then I think to myself, "Oh my word, I've written the word "b*&b" on my blog!" In my defense, it's life people! I'm not perfect! I have flaws! Many of them!

The year was 1989. The summer of '89, to be exact. I was sixteen years old and was too cool for school. I had finally managed to train my bangs to reach the maximum height of 4 inches above my scalp and my acid washed jeans were the epitome of hot fashion. The days were spent, hanging out with friends, dances at Tony's Pizza, and sunbathing with Crisco slathered all over my body. Extra crispy Jen, anyone? (It was one of my friend's genius ideas to tan with Crisco. I believe she's had 2 face lifts now...)

On one particular day, me, my friend Jenny and my best friend Christal were going to hike up to the falls, and meet some boys from Riverton, Wyoming. We had planned every single detail of the day's events. Pop, check. Doritos, check. Cookies, check. Tunes, check. Fashionable swimming attire, check.

Me, Jenny, and Christal began our 2 mile journey up to the falls. I was sure to bring my "boom box" and my mixed tapes that I had spent countless hours recording. My mixed tapes were sure to get the party started with tunes from INXS, Madonna, and Depeche Mode. The three of us were hot, and we knew it. We knew that the boys from Riverton, would not be able to resist our sultry feminine ways.

As we hiked up the rocky trail, we laughed, we gossiped, and we sang along to Madonna's Cherish and INXS's Devil Inside. It was going to be a blast and my stomach was full of butterflies, anticipating our "swimming date" with the three hot guys from Riverton.

After an hour or so, we arrived to the falls, to find that the guys had not arrived yet. We were hot and sweaty from the hike and decided to take a quick dip in the pool of cool water. We each slowly stepped further into the middle of the pool, hyperventilating from the frigid cold. With each step, the water level raised higher and higher up our bodies and we shivered uncontrollably. But soon the cool water, became refreshing from the summer heat, and it wasn't too long before a friendly water fight began between the three of us.

Me and my friend Jenny were huddled together in the middle of the pool, chattering about the cute boys we were meeting. "Paul is so hot! You should see his brother David!" "Tee, hee, hee, hee!" we giggled with excitement.

Just then something interrupted our girly banter, and something caught Jenny off guard. "What's that?" she squealed.

At first, I wasn't sure what the suspicious white form was, that was floating on top of the water. It was thin and rectangular, in shape. "What is that?" I thought to myself, as the suspicious object began floating towards us.

"Oh. My. Holy. Hannah!" I thought. I had forgotten that I was wearing a certain "feminine hygiene product" and there it was... bobbing along the top of the water. Yes, it's true. My Stayfree product managed to "free" it's self.

Then the following events, all collided into one horrific scene. Jenny realized what the rectangular object was and screamed at the top of her lungs. In a wave a confusion, she tried with all of her might to sprint away from the ghastly floating device. (and who knew that those suckers, are so buoyant?) As she was screaming in terror, the three hot guys showed up. Yup, perfect timing guys! With one swift and highly skilled movement, I lunged for the "escapee Stayfree product", and launched it across the entire length of the pool of water. It landed amongst the shrubbery and trees in the nearby wilderness. "Eat your heart out Joe Montanna!" My arm had never thrown an object with such distance before.

"What was that?" Paul asked. The three of us girls giggled, uncontrollably. "Oh it was nothing," I said, trying to act nonchalantly. "Whatever!" he yelled. "I'm going to check it out!"

"Nooooooooooo!" I screamed.

Paul began to make a mad dash towards my elusive feminine hygiene product. It was on! I began to swim with all of my might. I felt as if I had the advantage, because Paul had to climb over shrubs and rocks to get to the other side of the pool. But he was proving to be a strong competitor. We were in a dead heat and I knew I had to reach the flotation device, before he did.

Beating him by a mere second, I snatched the product and tossed it further into the wilderness. Right at that moment, Paul tackled me. "What is it?" he yelled. "What is it?!"

"It's nothing!" I pleaded. I knew my reputation was at stake here. The last thing I needed to happen was to have Paul and the other two guys tell everyone, that my Stayfree product broke away from it's confines and that I launched it 300 yards into the shrubs.

I became desperate, and began to tear up. Paul looked into my eyes and knew that this was a sensitive situation and that he shouldn't pursue it any longer. "Okay," he calmly said. "Don't worry, I won't go after it."

"Thank you," I said, weepily.

After a half hour or so, all was forgotten (except when me, Jenny, and Christal would glimpse at each other and burst into laughter) and the day ended up being fun. We made lasting friendships and thanks to my poorly, secured, feminine hygiene product, another humiliating experience to reminisce and laugh about.


  1. That is soooo funny! I have always wondered if you could use those to save your life if your ship sinks. Apparently they will. Thanks for sharing that flashback!!

  2. How Hilarious!! That is too funny, Jen!!

  3. Hi Jen, I lurked in from Jenny's blog and just had to leave a message this time! I love reading your fun stories and seeing all of the beautiful things you make. I so need some cute gingerbread men for my kitchen and the clay ornaments are adorable! maybe I'll call you after the holidays and try to talk you out of some for next year! Have a wonderful holiday!

  4. Oh talk about complete humiliation! I do so enjoy the flashbacks!

  5. That is just too damn funny!!! Only you my girl... Keep the laughter coming..

  6. Oh, my! That is too funny!!!

  7. Oh that is hilarious! You are soo lucky that guy didn't go find it!

  8. Jen, I really love reading your posts. You are so dang funny! Luckily he wasn't one of 'those boys' that are cruel and unusual thinking they're being funny at that age. LOL! =)

  9. Too funny! You poor girl! That would sooooo stink! (I was thinking a different word that must not be exclaimed near a 3-year-old.) I'm so glad flashback Friday is back!

  10. I would be a loyal followerer but I'm not smart enough to figure out how to do it. I can't even figure out how to change my backgrounds. Sorry I'm just an idiot....

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