The good, the bad, and ugly... of my pregnancy

 (baby boy's foot.  Holy crap!  Stop with the cuteness!)

I am currently 30+ weeks pregnant.  Baby boy still does not have a name, but if Homeboy had his way, his name would be Strike.  He also wanted Salsa.  Sadly I had to convince him that his baby brother just doesn't look like a "Salsa".

When I am pregnant, I categorize the incubation period of my babies, by the following three descriptive words:   good, bad, and ugly.

Morning sickness.... bad.

Baby movements, end of morning sickness, more energy, beginning of 2nd trimester... good.

The last two months of my pregnancies... ugly.  So very ugly.

Thus, so begins the last two months of my current pregnancy.  I swell to an unbelievable size and I wear the expression of misery on face, 24/7. 

When I was pregnant with Homey, my brother and his wife decided to get married during my 7th month of pregnancy.  At that point, I had gained 60 freakin pounds, my foot size went from a 5 1/2 to an 8 with plenty of swollen chub lopping over the tops and edges of my shoes, and my doctor was quick to notify me that he had never seen such bad stretch marks on any of his patients.  Ever.  They were so bad, they were bleeding.  I went through a tube of Cortizone 10 every week, due to the itching.   And it was during this ugly period that my brother got married.  My misery was well documented in family picture form, at the Washington D.C. temple and the multitudes of humbling, awe-inspiring, monuments of our beloved capital of the USA.  Never had I experienced so many looks of sympathy from perfect strangers. 

I was a vision of motherly glow.  Not so much.

My pregnancy with Homeboy, was surprisingly, my easiest and best.  He was breach the entire pregnancy and laid across my belly.  No pressure on this bladder!  (pointing to my bladder region)  Considering the child, it's shocking to look back at that pregnancy and reminisce how easy it was.  He was content to just lay in the same place and hardly move.  When he did move, I would giggle with glee!  Despite the ease of that pregnancy, I was still ugly at the end of my pregnancy.  You know, swelling. 

During this time, I was a counselor in the YW's presidency and in my 8th month, our stake attended youth conference at the U of U.  In August.  In sweltering heat.  I walked all over the campus with our girls for two days.  During a fireside meeting I slipped my sandals off and one of the girls happened to see my feet. She freaked.  She offered to call 911.  I told her I was fine and that if she ever considered having a baby before she was to be married, I told her to remember my feet.  Now that is some good birth control!

4D ultrasound of baby boy.  He didn't want to cooperate and was constantly moving, so this was the best picture we could get of him.  The ultra sound tech was shocked at how high he was (in my rib cage) and he was breach, laying across my belly.  My heart and lungs are currently placed in my neck and shoulder area.  It makes it a little difficult to breath and perform simple tasks. 

I'm hoping the dark spot on his noggin is not a Gorbachev (sp?) birthmark and if you look at his chin closely, you may be able to detect ANOTHER BUTT CHIN!  I'm surrounded!  Wenis' and butt chins, everywhere!  NoooOOOOoooooo!!!!

(Apparently, I am pregnant with a frog.  Check out his little frog legs!  And he is definitely a boy.  For obvious reasons.)

Baby boy is very active, enjoys stretching and moving my guts around.  He tends to like the breach position and laying across the very top of my belly.  But it's no surprise if he does a complete somersault every hour or so. 

A few weeks ago I began the ugly swelling, but then it went away for the most part.  My feet would actually jiggle when I walked.  Nice.  I am still able to wear my shoes and I am hoping I don't swell too bad with this pregnancy.  But then again... it is me. 

I resemble a meatball, I hate my maternity jeans and I began to "leak" weeks ago.  I'm tempted to slip a little tp in my bra to help absorb the leakage.   I know, too much information, but I'm sure inquiring minds want to know.  Right?  My mom will be mortified.  I make her proud!

I am anxious to be done with this pregnancy and can't wait to be holding our little frog in my arms.  I know the next two months will go by fast and I have a ton to do (as usual).  My OCD tendencies are raging and I notice every scuff mark, spider web, and speck of dirt.  My poor family is doomed to be my slaves for the next two months!  That is one perk of being pregnant!  The POWER!  Wahhh hahahahahaha!

Geriatric Pregnancy

I was 34 years old when I became pregnant with Homeboy (my second fruit of my loins).  My due date was September 26th...10 days after my birthday.  When I went to see the doctor for my first appointment, she informed me that she wouldn't make me have an amniocentesis procedure (needle in my gut) since my due date was so close to my 35th birthday.  Needless to say, I was relieved.  But then I began to wonder why she would make me have the barbaric procedure done to me, just because I was 35 years old.  So I asked her.  Her response, "Oh, because any pregnancy the age of 35 or older is considered a geriactric pregnancy."

"Really!?!?!  Must it really be called geriatric pregnancy?"  I wasn't geriatric!  Geriatrics involves broken hips, Geritol Aspirin, and talking about Edna being put in an assisted living facility. 

Fast forward a few years, give or take, and now I do consider this pregnancy... a geriatric pregnancy. 

I am so tired!  I have no energy.  I have no motivation.  I am blah.  Homeboy has become my servant boy.  "Homeboy!  Bend over and pick up that sock!  Homeboy!  I will pay you a nickel if you do the dishes!" 

Well, it's not totally like that.  But it's close.

I am almost 24 weeks pregnant, so far.  I STILL have some morning sickness.  For the first 19 weeks, I felt sick all of the time.

  My daily routine was:  Try to wake up Homey (at least 3 times), hurry and eat breakfast, lay down, sleep, force myself to feed Homeboy breakfast, lay down, attempt to get ready, lay down, eat crackers through out the day, run to the store (as little as I had to), try not to vomit, lay down, lay down, lay down and lay down.

Now, I just feel sick when I need to eat.  I believe it will last until the day I give birth. 

It. Will. Never. End.

(insert crickets chirping, and then silence)

Near the end of January, we found out what we are going to have!  EVERYONE believed the baby was a girl.  My husband did.  My mom did.  EVERYONE did.  Heck, even a friend of one of my friends had a "vision" that I was going to have a girl.  According the Chinese calendar, I was going to have a girl. All of my husband's living siblings had two boys and then a girl.  It was meant to be!  It was tradition!

I wasn't sure.  One day I would think it could be a boy, and then another day, I thought it was a girl.  I know that either way, I would love this baby no matter what!  Even if it did come with a stem on the apple! 

So when my doctor moved the ultra sound wand-thingy across my belly, I focused in on the area.  He said that it's legs were closed together pretty tight and he tried to get the baby to move a little.  Then he froze the screen and just as he was about to say what sex the baby was, I interrupted him. 

"You don't have to tell me!  I see it!  It has a nubbin!"  Meaning:  my baby has a stem on the apple.  It is definitely, a boy!  

Oh crap, I am forever out numbered.  I will be cleaning pee residue off of the bathroom walls, floors, tub, shower curtain, ceiling, and vanity, FOREVER.  

My doctor then told me I could always try for a girl next time.  I told him the only way I was going to be seeing him again for a pregnancy would have been the result of an immaculate conception.  I will be closing shop, after this little one is born!

Once my appointment was done, I called the hubs and told him that he had defective sperm.  We were having another boy.  He was shocked and disappointed.  He really wanted a baby girl. 

On the way home, I decided to stop at the Babies R Us and shop for a cute baby boy outfit.  But as I began to wander around the store, in search of a cute outfit, the reality began to hit me.  I would never have that special moment of picking out a wedding dress with my daughter.  I will never sew a blessing dress for her (I always dreamed of doing this!).  I will never attend a daughter's dance recital or put bows in her hair.  I will never help my daughter as she recovers from when she has her own babies.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  And then I began to cry in the middle of the store.  I cried all the way home and I cried for several more hours.  All of my life, I believed I would have a daughter.

My mom tried to cheer me up and said, "Maybe you will have alot of grand daughters?"  I told her to shut up.  Not the best thing to tell your mom, but I was a little emotional at the time.  It's not the same and she agreed.  Everyone thought it would help by saying that girls are soooo dramatic.  Uh, have you met Homeboy?!?!?!  Whatever.

I tried to not have my heart set on having a girl, but deep down inside, I wanted one.  Some may think this is a little selfish of me but I'm being honest.

The next day, I recovered and immediately began to wonder what baby boy #3 is going to look like.  Will he be blonde like Homey, or light brown like Homeboy?  Will this baby also have blue eyes like his brothers and daddy or green, like me.  Maybe he will have a butt chin like his older brothers and daddy, also?  Should I call him Homer, Homefry, or the Homester? 

What I do know is, I KNOW for a fact, I already love him.  I KNOW that I will think he is the cutest baby on the earth and I have no doubt that I will never regret having him be a part of our family.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever think that I was going to be a mother for the third time.  Just like his older brothers, he is special.  There is a reason why he is to be a part of our family and I know that Heavenly Father made sure of it. 

I am truly blessed.

Flashback Friday - "Positive" outcomes

I know that it has been far too long since my last post, but I have excuses.  Good excuses!  So what better way to make up for my lack of blog posts, than a good, 'ol, juicy, tale, from my past.  This particular tale is actually more recent than my past stories, but it's a good one!  It's full of good, gossip, surprises, tears, worry, excitement, and love.

Ooooohhhh, the anticipation is just too much!

My Flashback Friday story did actually happen on a Friday.  A Friday evening, prior to Halloween.  There was a chill in the night, and I was home alone with the children.  The hubs was working his regular night shift, keeping the city streets safe, from the evil scum that roams it. 

Homeboy and I made a trip to Target earlier that day and as I came to the health and beauty aisles, I knew I had to do it.  I had to purchase a "certain product". 

I know that if I were you, reading this story, I would assume that this "product" would be some sort of a feminine nature product.  For some reason, when people hear my name and feminine supplies, they assume I had some horrid experience involving them.  Well, actually, I have.  But, alas!  Not this time! 

For the past 3 weeks my billowy, bosoms, were telling me something.  My bosoms are like nature's barometer.  A slight tingle indicates a storm is coming.  Aching... a low pressure front is making it's way to my neck of the woods.  I'd like to see the weathermen/women top my "equipment"!  Radars, hah!  I balk at their insignificant equipment!

So for the previous three weeks my "chestal - area" had been aching.  It was the familiar ache that comes, when  Mother Nature is about to intrude on my life.  But the problem was, Mother Nature never came.  And my bosoms were in a constant ache mode.

At first, I tried to ignore the aching.  It wouldn't have been the first time Mother Nature fooled me.  But deep inside the cockles of my brain, I began to worry.  This kind of curious episode had happened to me before.  Like the time when I was pregnant with Homeboy.  Oh, and the time when I was pregnant with Homey.  Yup, worry, had set in.  What if I was?  At my age! 

So on that chilly, Friday, evening, I purchased one of these:

And as soon as I laid the test stick on the counter, to wait the longest two minutes ever... It quickly became obvious that I would not have to wait even 10 seconds for the results.  There were definitely, two lines.  What the?!?!?  Who spiked my pee?!?!?!

There was no denying it... I'm with child!

In reality, I already knew I was.  I had been having waves of nausea overtake my very being, off and on for a couple of weeks, but I was in denial.

My reaction to this confirmation of pregnancy, was tears.  Tears of worry, tears of shock, tears of joy.

When one thinks that they are certainly done with having children, one tends to freak out a little when they suddenly become pregnant.  

For so many years, I have been told that I should have another baby.  There was  not a week that would go by, when someone would say those very words, "Jen, you should have another baby!  You should have a girl!"  And my reaction would always be, "I'm too old!"  Karma has a funny way of showing who's boss!

After I composed myself, I texted the hubs and told him the news and then I immediately scheduled a special appointment with a doctor for him.  I'm kidding.  But the thought has crossed my mind...especially when I'm trying to hold back from vomiting in the meat section of Walmart.  Blah!

His reaction was, "What?"  Needless to say, he was shocked also.  But he's good now!

So far my symptoms have been mild, compared to my first two pregnancies.  Even though I feel sick everyday and I'm tired, I am proud to announce that I have NOT thrown up yet!  Praise Momma!  Hallelujah!  Smells that make me want to vomit:  hot dogs, ketchup, my husband's breath (good or bad), Christmas trees (the live kind.  this one originated from my first pregnancy).  I'm sure the list will grow, as the days pass and I catch a waft of some pungent odor.  But I do consider myself very blessed to have considerably milder symptoms than my previous pregnancies. 

My due date is June 21st and I'm already planning EVERYTHING.  Nursery, names, baby products, clothes, and cleaning every single inch of my house. 

It's funny how you think your life is going and how it you see it going for the future.  Then all of the sudden Heavenly Father sends you a reminder of how your life should be going.  And quite frankly, I couldn't think of a better reminder, than a new baby (possibly a HomeGIRL, or a Homer) to come into our lives!