Monday, June 20, 2011

OCD Tendencies - I love to vacuum and... I have issues.

It's true, I love to vacuum. The whir of the motor, the sounds of dirt and debris being sucked up, and vacuum lines - oh yes, vacuum lines! Forget chocolate... freshly vacuumed carpet is what does it for me!

Over the years I have owned various vacuums. Some expensive ones and some cheap ones. When me and my friend Cindy moved to Utah, from good 'ol Wyoming, we were poor, starving, unemployed gals. And between the two of us, neither one of us owned a vacuum!!! It was torture for me. Pure torture. I would not sit on the floor or walk on our carpet with out some sort of foot protection.

So when I finally became employed, guess what was my very first purchase, with my first paycheck? You guessed it... a vacuum. I don't think I have ever loved or appreciated a vacuum more than that vacuum! *Sigh*

Not too long ago, I had to replace my vacuum. I happened to be shopping at the local Walmart when this baby caught my eye.

It's sleek lines and features called to me! It was so different, so modern, so cool! I took it down from the display and was shocked at how light it was (13 lbs). I noticed right off the bat that it's "lightness" was most likely due to the fact that it did not have ANY attachments, attached to it.

The "attachments" part, came separate in the form of another vacuum. At first I worried about the fact of not being able to just pull out the vacuum hose and vacuum up cob webs and base boards, as I vacuumed.

I have loved having the portable vacuum. I use it to vacuum out the car, it's cord is very long, it totally "sucks" (hahahaha! Now that was a knee slapper!), and it's so much easier to vacuum stairs and furniture.

The handle is so Star Trek-like! After owning a bagless vacuum, I went back to a vacuum with bags.

I hate bagless vacuums! Of course that is my personal opinion. It annoyed the crud out of me, seeing the filth and hair balls on a daily basis. I also hated cleaning the dust containers and the filters every week. Did you know you are suppose to wash the dust containers and filters on bagless vacuums, on a regular basis? Not good for my OCD tendencies!

One thing that I have learned over the years, is that the most expensive vacuums are not always the best ones!

Depending on your vacuuming needs, a cheaper vacuum can work just as good as a high-end model. In fact, I have a small $40 vacuum that I keep in my basement for those quick clean-ups. It may not get the embedded dirt but it can still suck up popcorn and Lego's!

Now as for the vacuuming needs of the house below... my suggestion is to burn it! Burn it all down, people!
For the love! Good night nurse! What in the name?!?!?! How the? What the? Hoard much? Have you ever heard of a GARBAGE CAN? Have you seen a doctor, lately? $!:ljk*&#@:jhi!!!!

Sorry, I began to speak in tongues.

(even Lego Dude knows the joy one gets from vacuuming)

Below are some vacuuming tips:

Carpets need to be vacuumed on a regular basis! Dirt particles grind the fibers of the carpet and will dull the fibers. Vacuuming keeps soil from becoming embedded in the pile, which can damage it. (This little explanation sounds so fart-headed...but it's true!)

According to the experts, you should vacuum non traffic areas once a week. Light traffic areas, two times a week (3 passes). And moderate to heavy traffic areas two to five times a week (5 passes). As for the 3 and 5 passes thing... really? Vacuum over the same spot 5 times! 5? Good grief. Even that's a bit much for me. Personally I vacuum my entire upstairs six times a week. I vacuum the stairs and downstairs one to two times a week. It all depends on the crap that Homey and his crew leave on the floor. They are like rodents!

I like to use my carpet rake before I vacuum. I usually use it about once a week. However, I do forget to use it alot. It's makes my carpet look more fluffy ("It's so fluffy, I could die!") and using the rake helps to loosen the pile and dirt particles, making it easier for your vacuum to suck up the dirt.

Some tips on maintaining the performance of your vacuum:

Clean the beater bar. Lots of hair and fibers can get tangled up in there... use some scissors to cut the fibers.

Check the belt about once to two times per year for worn spots, cracks, or stretching. Replace them if the belt is looking worn.

Shake and tap paper filters against a hard surface to clean.

If you have plastic filters, you can just rinse these under running water and let air dry.

And for my last tip and the most important tip, of all...

Make your kids vacuum!

"Work, kid work! There's no smiling while vacuuming! I'm crackin' the whip! Oh, you think this is fun?!?! You won't be thinkin' it's fun after you are sucking up old Cheetos, stinky socks, and popcorn seeds!"

Nothing pleases me more than watching my children be my slaves! Feels my heart with such pride, knowing that I can pass a little of my OCD tendencies on to my fruit of my loins!

*Sniff, sniff. I just shed a tear.*

Look, Homeboy doesn't seem to mind the hours of grueling work! In fact, I would say he is down right giddy about it!

Oh wait, maybe he's giddy due to the fact that he is entertaining himself by vacuuming his "parts".

You know, it's a proven, scientific, fact, that my boy's dominate, yet, questionable genes come from their father. Yup. Scientifically proven.



  1. I want a new vaccum pretty bad. My latest find turned out to be a dud. No suction!! I'm through with bagless vaccums too.

  2. You always crack me up! I am sure we think alike, and I like that you speak your mind. I get much joy out of thinking of the day my kids will be my cleaning slaves :)
    I love that Homeboy was vacuuming his "parts" and I love even more that you blogged about it!!!


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