Friday, May 6, 2011

Just asking for a lawsuit

It's true. We are just asking for a lawsuit. One of these days a visitor will be approaching our front door, and then when they least expect it - "it" will happen.

Horrific screams will echo through the valley, and our unsuspecting visitors will flee our steps, in fear of their lives. Bone break-age is bound to happen. Therapy for Post Traumatic Distress Syndrome will most likely be a must. And then the calls from the lawyers will flood in.

And what, may you ask, could possibly cause a lawsuit to fall onto our poor, feeble, and lack-of-money, shoulders?


I'm not that scared of snakes but you won't catch me bonding with a slithery friend, by picking it up.

For several years now, we have noticed that a HARMLESS, water snake or gardner snake, will pitch his tent, stoke the home fires, and call the crack and space in our steps leading up to our front door, his/her home. He/she would rarely make an appearance and once in a while would slither out of his humble abode to warm his/her body on a nearby rock. For the most part, if we were around, they hid. And that's how I preferred it.

A few weeks ago Homey had several friends pay us a visit. The friends came in the form of three, giggly, thirteen year old girls. As they approached our front door, one of the girls noticed something on the concrete steps...

Mass screams of terror followed. It was like a scene out of a horror film.

For the next half-hour or so, they recanted their near death experiences.

A half-hour after that, the pizza man cameth. The kids retrieved the pizzas as I collected some cash to pay the pizza man. Apparently, they shared their experience with him also, and wished him "well" and "good luck" as they left him alone in the doorway. As he was about to turn around to leave, he asked me cautiously, "Do you really have a snake living in a crack in your steps?"

Dude, you are a grown man! I reassured him, offered to hold his hand, and told him that the snake probably slithered away, due to the earlier incident.

I watched him until he made it to his car, safely.

Usually our slithery friend doesn't make appearance until late spring, or the beginning of summer.

The next day I checked the crack for the snake. Yup, there he was. And he is not shy. Over and over again, he would leave his home to sun himself on a rock, while Homeboy and I watched. But then I noticed some other movement in the crack...

Goodnight nurse! We have two snakes.


We have three snakes.

*if you look closely you can see the nose of one our "pets" sticking out of the crack. And if you look even closer - brother or sister snake is sticking their nose out, just to the left of it's sibling. The third snake was on a rock, working on it's tan.

Stupid snake is gonna get us sued.

Here's a better picture of the two noses sticking out.

One of these days, I'm gonna step on those noses.

I know I am taking a risk in letting the world know of our "issue", but I figured a warning is better than letting our visitors find out without any warning.

So if you happen to come a visiting - be on the look out. Or, make a lot of noise. Or, call me before you come and I will protect you.

But if you choose to brave our front steps and any type of bodily harm occurs and you feel the need to speed dial your lawyer, I gotta warn you...
we are poor, and we have snakes! (Hissssssss)


  1. At least you have a sense of humor. I will wear loud shoes when I come. You should just catch them and put them in a glass thingy so you know where they are. Although I don't know what's worse...snakes in a crack on the porch or snakes in your house behind glass.

    Keep laughing...

  2. I used to throw our snakes over the fence back into the field where they came from, now there is a parking lot there. What do I do now? I make my little dogs chase them :) It's pretty funny, they think they are soooo tough! We have a lot at our house, in the middle of Ogden, I once went to put on my gardening shoes that were then kept in the garage, yep, snake curled up sleeping inside. Every time I am in my flower garden I expect to come across one or two. When we walk around the school parking lot next door, Jaimen is constantly on the lookout for snakes in the bushes. When I find some snake repellent I will send some your way :)


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