When my Bishop first called me to be the Primary President for our ward, shock set in. I would say it was a good week, or so, until the shock began to subside. And then reality hit - "There is so much to do with this calling!" I bow down to ALL current Primary Presidents and to past Primary Presidents! I knew this calling would be challenging at times.
While the Bishop and his counselors were talking to me, I have to admit my mind began to wonder a bit. While I was experiencing my "out of body experience", I said a very, sincere, short, prayer to myself.
"Please Heavenly Father - please help Conner calm down by the time he becomes a Sunbeam and please don't let anything bad happen to any of the children."
My first request, was purely for selfish reasons. And I have to admit Heavenly Father did listen to my prayer. Homeboy seems to be improving. A little. I'll take any sort of improvement that comes my way.
The second part of my prayer was to protect my heart. If it were possible for me to take away any harm or pain that the children may endure, I would in a blink of an eye. The second I accepted this calling, my love for the children in our ward became instant. I don't know why I repeated that certain request, in my prayer. At the time, it was what I was feeling.
Over a week ago, on a Monday night, I was returning home after running some errands. I happen to look down at my phone and noticed a text. My husband texted me, asking if I knew a certain 7 year old girl in Primary. The text went on to say that life flight was requested for her. At that very moment I looked to my left and saw all of the lights in front of her home.
My heart did a "ker-plunk" and sank into my gut. Worry set in.
The following day, I learned most of the details and my friend and previous Primary President, Jennie, notified me that Lindsay returned to our Heavenly Father.
After our conversation I went to my bedroom, closed the door, dropped down to my knees, and cried. Hard.
I will miss seeing Lyndsay's sweet face in Primary. I know that whenever I look at a certain chair in Primary, I will always imagine her sitting there. But I am comforted in knowing that we will see Lyndsay again. And as one little girl said in her testimony last Sunday, "I know Lyndsay is having fun with Heavenly Father!"
There are positives and negatives with my calling. But without the negatives, the positives would not seem as sweet.
Every Sunday, as soon as the last child leaves the Primary room, I deflate like a balloon. It can be exhausting. But, later, when I examine how the day went, I always end up smiling.
Trying to fill every teaching, activity day, and cub scout position, can be challenging. I now have such admiration and love for everyone that serves in the Primary. Nursery leaders and all!
I'm thankful I'm in Primary at this time. If I had not had this calling, I would have never had the opportunity to place a "Reverence Butterfly" on Lyndsay's dress, and then seeing her face light up. Or for that matter, I would have never seen any of the other Primary children's smiles when the "Reverence Butterflies" visit them.
If I was not in this calling right now, I would not have had the opportunity to serve Lyndsay's family in the capacity that I had. I would not have felt the joy I have experienced this past week, when the Primary children and their families donated over $300 to help purchase something special for her family. The children donated over 2000 pennies!
If I was not in this calling now, my love for the children in our ward would not be nearly as deep as it is now, and will be, in the future.
Lyndsay loved butterflies. Last Sunday we had a special sharing and singing time. I told a story of a a caterpillar that turned into a beautiful monarch butterfly. The butterfly's miraculous change from a caterpillar, into a chrysalis, and finally into a butterfly, was compared to our eternal lives and returning to our Heavenly Father. I found a picture of some monarch butterflies, that immediately made me imagine Lyndsay returning to our Heavenly Father and joining her eternal family of butterflies.
So when it comes right down to it... the positives do out-weigh the negatives.