Monday, January 11, 2010

Hooters gone bad

For the past six weeks or so, there hasn't been one day where the gifted golf-pro, Tiger Woods and his many questionable female acquaintances, have not been in the headlines. Night and day people! Night and day!

I gotta tell ya... America's moral fiber is running amuck!

I have found a similarity between the hoards of these so-called ladies that have chosen to carry on elicit affairs with professional athletes, politicians, and television/entertainment/movie stars...

many of them are proud and "perky" employees of the establishment, Hooters.

You can't tell me that the so called, highly respected and dignified politicians, discuss where they should go to lunch, and choose Hooters for the fine dining.

"What sounds good for lunch, Senator so and so?"
"I hear Hooters has some wonderful cuisine!" replies Congressman so and so.

I doubt health care reform is the topic being discussed, as long as there are massive amounts of inflated chests, bouncing around.

That's right folks! With the required dress code, of shorty shorts, tiny tanks tops, and colossal, perky, mammories, I can see how this "restaurant" lures these professionals and stars in. And it aint the buffalo wings!

I can't help but wonder if they had chosen to dine at Bubba's Diner or McDonald's they probably wouldn't have ever fallen for these temptresses and dismay and ruin their sacred marriage vows and careers.

It is reported that one of Tiger's alleged flings, was a Hooter's employee. Shocker.

Tootie claimed that Tiger propositioned her, while she was employed at Hooters. However, it is highly unlikely, due to the fact that she had to quit only after being employed as a waitress for 2 days, because of ongoing knee problems. It was just too painful to perform the required "hand on hip, knee bend pose".

She did, however, poses the required ample cleavage and perky personality to work there.

( the above mentioned hand on hip, knee-bend pose)

One fine dining establishment, that I would recommend the Tiger Woods, President Clinton's, and Kobe Bryants eat at would be the more family oriented... Medieval Dinner and Show. It's rotisserie turkey legs AND a show! You can't go wrong!

I'm pretty sure that if Tiger had chosen to "party" here with his crew, he would've never partaken of the "Forbidden Fruit".

Samantha would've never let Tiger or ANYONE, for that matter, touch her goods. Her sword slaying skills are remarkable, due to her weekly practices in the park, along with her fellow Medieval aficionados.

The local Ihop is not only known for their delectable waffles and pancakes, they are also well known for their customer service. Mainly, that being from Tiffany.

Although Tiffany's sparkling personality is tempting to carry on a forbidden relationship with, her gang affiliation is sure to prevent her from the time and energy an affair requires.

(Yo! West Coast!) (Do you like my "gang lingo"?)

Although much of the blame, for these controversial affairs, lie with these men of power, I can't but help put some of the blame on the many waitresses, assistants, co-workers, etc.

Take Monica Lewinsky, for instance...

Instead of busily filing and copying important papers, while being employed at the White House, she chose to flash our former ruler and chief, President Bill Clinton, her thong underwear. WHO DOES THAT?!?!?!

My recommendation, for these ladies, is to partake in service for your community or church. Begin an exercise program! Even better... learn a hobby!

Milly, here, use to be known for her "partying ways". But she changed her ways and became involved in more decent, extra curricular activities. Such as, the intricate work of macrame! Her knot tying skills are well known in the macrame community.

The high-stylin' and very breathable frock, below, was inspired by her Grandma Opal's plant holder, hanging in the corner of her living room.

The name of the "inspiring" macrame pattern is Sunshine Surprise. It IS a ray of Sunshine, don't you think?

Ada is a pillar of the community and has worked at the local Hometown Buffet for the past 20 years.

Rap star, Snoop Dog tried to "cop a feel" while Ada was serving him coffee. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two was underestimating just how powerful Ada could kick his butt.

And then there is Lulu. How can we not forget Lulu!
Lulu not only was a nanny to the stars, but she was also a hostess at Bubba's Diner.

If you remember... Lulu was quick to grab this ciggy away from the grasp of one of the children's hands, while she was tending them. She is a hero, in my book!
One would be silly to think that she would even risk damaging her reputation, by carrying on a forbidden relationship with a married man! She has high morals.

In the future, I hope to be seeing less and less of these elicit affairs in the news. And I hope that the stars, politicians and athletes will take heed to my advise and the many examples that we have seen in the news...
Commandment number 7:
Thou shalt not commit adultery


  1. Oh, Jen, you never cease to amaze! I love your humor. Keep up the good work!

  2. Anonymous11:13 AM

    That lady in the Macrame was hillarious, and your words made it even funnier!!

  3. This. Was. Fabulous.

  4. Gotta love Lulu... and her mustache, its so beautiful. She just doesn't want to mess it up kissing any of those dirty stars/politician.

    I am so sick of hearing about these affairs too. People if you didn't want to be faithful, Why the he** did you get married??? I don't get it!

    You cease to amaze me yet again! Love your posts!

  5. Is it just me or do both Tiffany and Samantha look a whole lot like guys?

    Ada has some serious flexibility that I'm downright jealous of.

    Would you believe I had a really good friend in high school who's life long dream was to be an employee at Hooters? I thought she was kidding and I laughed in her face, but apparently she was serious. Whoa.

  6. Woohoo! I'm glad you found your funny! Ada totally rules - that girl has got some moves!!

  7. I have one word, "Gross." You are to funny. What percentage of those Hooters employee's, have enhancements? I don't get it, the only time I have a balcony is when I am nursing. They Just get in the way, why would you do that to yourself? I'm just saying....


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