Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Viva Las Vegas

A couple of weekends ago I took a voyage to the searing hot and harsh land of Arizona and Nevada. Oh holy crap it was hot!

My fellow passengers included the Travel Nazi, Homey, and Home Boy.

About two hours into our voyage, we learned a little "something" about Home Boy. Home Boy gets car sick. Oh joy! I have cleaned pukey puke from Home Boy's car seat a total of 5 times now. (A few times from a previous adventure to Wyoming) And let me tell ya...there is nothing more special than driving through a hot dessert with a lofting aroma of puke to engulf us.

In preparation for our little voyages, I am always sure to bring enough snacks that will always end up making up a carpet of Goldfish and cookie crumbs on the floor of our trusty vehicle. I also bring enough movies to hopefully, entertain Homey and Home Boy for the entire duration of the voyage. It never does.
At one point, we were encouraging Home Boy to chuck his pacifier at the Travel Nazi's head, over and over. This provided a good half hour of entertainment for Home Boy, Homey, and me. It was awesome. The Travel Nazi was not as amused.

The Travel Nazi inherited his name because of the strict antics he displays while traveling. There is to be NO pee stops. Not anytime....not anywhere. Homey has had to "hold it" up to an hour, or so, in the past.

Travel Nazi HAS to stop for me. Otherwise the outcome could be ugly. Very, very ugly.

Another crazy antic the Travel Nazi displays is, is if he has to brake for another driver, while driving in the "Cruise Control" mode. If the other driver/s fail to maintain a quick and steady pace, you can bet the Travel Nazi will be passing your butt and chewing it out, at the same time.

Once we arrived to our destination in Arizona, the plans were to spend quality time with family, attend the sweet blessing of our newest family member, and visit the Coca Cola museum, F.A.O. Schwartz, and the M&M museum in Vegas.

Oh Vegas! What can I say about you, Vegas? You provide much debauchery and eye candy for my soul!
Vegas' Cannery seems to provide a different kind of service than the Cannery that I have come to know well, around my neck of the woods. I try to visit our local Cannery, on a regular basis, to stock up on my family's food storage. I wonder what kind of "Cans" Vegas' Cannery provides? Hmmmmmm.

Hail Cesar! And Marie.

This is the view that I have come accustomed to, on many of our excursions. See the man in the striped shirt, pushing a stroller? This is the Travel Nazi (a.k.a the Hubs). It is a well known fact that he does not wait for his squaty, short legged wife. Sometimes I get lost on purpose, so that he is forced to back track. Serves him right.

Not only does Vegas provide enticing lights, sounds, and attractions to gawk also provides much inappropriate nekkid-nous. Which forces me to cover Homey's eyes or distract his attention from such icky-nous.

I ask you, what woman actually poses like this? Really? And smack dab in the middle of a busy, public square, near an ice cream shop, no less!

Many of the visiting women folk, chose to wear high fashion foot wear. However, their grimaces of pain, told of another they wished they would have worn a comfy pair of flip flops, instead.

I believe the pair of lily white, black sock, wearing legs, had the right idea. Although, if my husband even attempted to copy this gentleman's fashion trend, I would have to smack him on the bottom.

Everyone knows that the "real" shows to watch in Vegas is the abundant supply of freaks that occupy the streets.
The Gap must have ran out of XL's.
rrrrrrrrrrrr...(this is my feeble attempt of a sexy growl)

Gus obviously lacked the "motherly attention" that he desperately required, while in his youth.
Gus paraded up and down the street, repeatedly, for the attention that he so desired.

Mall cop!

Satan made an appearance also.

Home Boy was in F.A.O. Schwartz heaven, when he found the endless supply of stuffed animals.
He tried to attempt a quick "smash and grab" of stuffed doggies, but mall cop was too quick and highly coordinated with his Segway skillz.

Many gangs roamed the streets of Vegas.

They sell Smurfs at F.A.O. Schwartz. I never really got into the Smurf craze as a kid. I had a friend who was obsessed with them and tried to collect ALL of them. She collected Papa Smurf, Greedy Smurf, Grouchy Smurf, Smurfette, Hefty Smurf, and even Gargamel.
Everyone knows that Smurfette hooked up with Hefty Smurf. He was the most buff of the smurfs and he sported a heart tattoo.
I think my friend became a smurf addict and ended up attending "Smurfs Anonymous". Ahh hahahahaha! Snort! Hahahaha! Snort!
Okay, that was stupid.

Sadly, we did not make it to the Coca Cola museum or the M&M museum. Once we found out that it would be another 20 minutes of walking in the billion degree heat to those destinations, we quickly nixed that idea.
The kids were getting restless, our tummies were beginning to growl, and my cleavage was pooling up with a large puddle of sweat. Nice.
Although we encountered some difficulties during our voyage, there were some wonderful highlights.
High light numero uno:
Watching the fountain show at the Belagio and having the mist of the fountains spray us.
Highlight numero dos:
The wonderful man-made sights and buildings. Some of Vegas is actually beautiful.

Highlight numero tres:
Spending time with family!
Highlight numero quatro:
Seeing my newest niece being blessed. And also holding her and having her spit up on me.

Goodness she is sweet!


  1. Oh, you are hilarious! Your niece is very very cute! I bet she made all the wierdness in Vegas worth it. I especially like the statue.

  2. You crack me up. The "Travel Nazi" will be Alan's new name. He won't drive to SLC with the kids, to AZ and NV are you kidding me? maybe when they are 13. I am lucky if he will go to the store with us, and we better not pass city lines or all h*** breaks loose. :)

    I loved reading this!
    Yeah- whats up with the women wearing hookier heels when they are planning on walking miles, who the heck cares how your gams look lady, put some flip flops on and call it good.

    And I loved the green man, oh and that your husband walks waaayyy in front of you, mine does too.

  3. What a fun trip! Well except for all of the puking! Believe it or not, I have never been to Vegas, I really want to go! You are hilarious! Love all the fun pictures! Glad you guys had such a good time!

  4. LOL!!! You are so funny!!
    Las Vegas is a very interesting place, isn't it? You really brought out the funny points from the wierd stuff!
    I don't know how you survived that heat! I would be melting into the pavement with all those nasty flyers everywhere.

  5. Anonymous9:25 AM

    You are hillarious. I just laugh my head off whenever I read your posts.

  6. Too funny. I wonder where the travel Nazi got that from!!

  7. This was so fun to read! Shane was the same way on trips - until Jacob came along. Your new niece is adorable! She must like you to claim you hers with her spit-up. Niiiiice naked lady statue! You crack me up! (But not in the same way as that guy that didn't have his pants pulled all the way up, 'cuz that's just yucky)


Tell me what you think... only if it compliments me and my, sometimes humorous, sometimes weird, sometimes creative, post! No meanies allowed!