If you read my previous post, from the other day, you probably read an embarrassing morsel of information about me and my incompetent bladder. I was the original Betsy Wetsy.
Back in the day, if one happened to make a silly remark, joke, or action, I was in Trouble people! And I mean Trouble with a capital "T"! The usual instigator to my wetting defect, was my best friend Christal. She is one of the funniest people, that I have ever met. The girl use to record her farts and we would rewind and play, rewind and play her melodious fluffs, over and over again. We didn't have much entertainment in my little town.
One particular "pee" incident happened when I was 12 years old. I usually rode the bus home, but that day I decided to walk home with Christal. That was mistake number one. As we were walking, we observed a fellow classmate riding his dorky (and it was dorky) bike back and forth, in front us. He was a large, different child. In other words, he was a dork. He would demonstrate his biking tricks by letting go of the handle bars and coasting by us. Then he would zip by us, as if he was trying to hit us with his three-speed bike of wonder. "Psych!" he would yell. Each pass, he was becoming more and more obnoxious. We tried to ignore him, but it didn't work. We tried to threaten him with taunts of, "we're going to tell our moms on you!" And that didn't work. Mitch (that's what I'll call him) the amazing trickster, decided to zip past us again with full speed. We watched Mitch pass us and decided that we should make a run for it. But first we had to make sure the coast was clear and that he was not looking back. Then it happened. Mitch hit a rock. Mitch's bike made a dead stop, as his front tire made contact with the rock, and Mitch took flight. He flipped mid-air over the handle bars and landed on his back, in the middle of the road.
At first the scene was shocking. I mean, Mitch had to have cleared 4 feet above his bike's handle bars. Christal and I gasped in unison. "Is Mitch alive? Do we need to call the ambulance?" Then we looked at each other. That did it. We burst into gut bustin' laughter. We were laughing so hard, our legs were unable to hold our giggling bodies. We each dropped to the ground and wet our pants. If having to walk all the way home with wet rear ends, wasn't embarrassing enough, we were sitting in dirt, when we lost all of our dignity. Now we had muddy bums. Once we composed ourselves, we had to observe the damages. I turned my backside to Christal, "Can you tell?" I asked her. "Yes!" she giggled. Then she did the same. "Can you tell?" she asked me. "Yes!" I giggled hysterically. We were doomed! Neither one of us had a jacket or coat to tie around our waists. We were discussing our damage control, when another classmate, Shawn, came around the corner. We didn't dare move, in fear that he would see our wet muddy bums. We pressed our backsides against a small white picket fence and both discreetly placed our backpacks in front of us. "What are you guys doing?" he asked. "Nothing." "Are you guys walking home?" he asked us. What was this? The third degree! "Uh, no," Christal said. "Then what are you doing?" he questioned us. "Just standing here," I said.
He looked at us with a quizzical expression on his face then went on his way. "Phew that was a close one!" Christal said.
By this time, Mitch got back on his bike and rode away... slowly. We continued to laugh about the incident off and on, then decided we needed to come up with a plan. And it was a brilliant plan! We would take turns walking in front of one another, to cover each other's wet muddy bums, when a car or person went by us. It took a while to make it safely to our homes, but with perseverance, we made it.
To this day, 24 years later, if either one of us bring it up again, we burst into laughter with tears streaming down our cheeks. I guess you had to be there. Now when we get together, I know to go to the bathroom before the laughter ensues. Well, sometimes it doesn't happen. What? Okay! It's not like I can't control it now. Alright! So maybe I've spotted a time or two, when we get together! I've had two kids people! You know you've done it too!